I might as well admit

I have never seen anything 

that ordinarily resembles an angel.  

nothing like the picture books anyway.  

I did see a halo around thurston 

moore’s head when I saw his solo act 

in Worcester Massachusetts, 

but that was when everything was 

just starting to get strange.  

I have never seen a real 

honest to goodness angel.  

In dreams I saw my dead grandmother 

dressed in heavenly light 

and assumed she was an angel.  

There was also the angel 

eating with a bunch of kids 

on a long table 

in the middle of the street 

in front of my house 

in Connecticut. 

He got a little angry at me 

because I felt like horsing around 

with my friend who happened to be 

a squirrel who had directed movies 

in a previous life.  

The closest I got to God 

was when I yelled and swore at him 

when I realized he was real.  

needless to say 

he turned tail and ran.  

that was when everything stopped 

being strange and became disturbingly 

normal.  

The tremendous awakening I thought 

I was on the verge of 

was a kind of astronomical ego-inflation. 

the type of thing that makes heroes.  

I had to cool out.  

smoke some pot.  

come back to reality for awhile.  

Still I never saw any angels.  

I always saw them in other people.